Booty call? I don't THINK so!

So I picked up my friend today and we had a nice afternoon shopping. We went to the premium outlets by work and then to Town Square. We stopped for coffee at one point and I was telling my friend that when she called when her plane landed I was talking with one of my case agents and he was obviously intrigued about who I was talking to. He heard me say how I'd leave work soon and pick this person up at the airport. But then I didn't mention anything about who I was talking to. Then I recounted how I told another guy that "my friend" was coming to town and that we were going to LA for the weekend. That's when it dawned on me - I bet these guys think I was discussing a booty call! I wish! I'll have to make sure I discuss hanging out with my girlfriend (as in a friend who is a girl) when I come back to work next week! But then we joked, knowing the kind of guys we work with, they will be even more intrigued if they think the booty call was from a girl!! I don't know if the humor translated to what I just wrote, but it was funny when we were talking about it!! And FYI - if I had a booty call flying into town, trust me, I would not be discussing that visit with these guys!!

Anyway, we had lunch and went back to my place before heading out to go shopping. When we got home, Mandy was waiting as usual but was NOT purring! She actually shunned my friend and spurned attempts at friendship. And Mandy has met her before! Thankfully though after we came home from dinner Mandy had adjusted her attitude and now wants to be friends. Phew! I thought my litte girl developed an attiude problem!!

MANDATE

What's a Mandate you ask? Why it is an update on my Mandy!! My little girl is practically 5 months old and just as crazy, mischievious, and loveable as ever! She has reverted back to her "bitey" stage as I like to call it. That is where she nips at my feet and hands with her razors, I mean kitten teeth. But then she'll start purring and I'll forget everything. Her latest "trick" is pulling down the shower rod in my guest bathroom. I believe we are up to 5 times now that she has pulled the shower curtain, rod and all, down. This is since Sunday evening.

Mandy also has a taste for paper products - toilet paper, napkins, toilet paper rolls, gum wrappers, and the treat of all treats - paper towels. I have to be careful when the roll gets down to the end because it is light enough for her to bat around. This evening I come home from work to find an empty paper towel roll on the kitchen floor and 6 wet paper towels on the floor. Mandy must have been playing with the roll when an edge of one sheet landed in her water dish. Capillary action did the rest. Ugh. Mandy is also a fan of water from the tap. Most cats I've owned will come running when you call "here kitty kitty." Not Mandy. You just turn on the faucet. Hey! Maybe Mandy turned on the water in my backyard last week and just forgot to tell me?! My favorite is when she comes running in from another room and when I pick her up, her paws are totally wet. She also likes to stick her paws in one of her 4 water dishes. (Is that too many?)

Send in the Clowns

In a little more than two days one of my bestest friends, raine_days, will be in town!!! She gets in Friday morning and leaves Tuesday afternoon. So I will be taking most of Friday and all of Tuesday off from work. However, we will be making a visit to the office on Tuesday. I have mentioned raine_days before (and maybe you have seen her comments from time to time), but to refresh, we became friends our analyst training (we are alphabetically next to each other so we sat next to one another for several weeks). Raine_days is the friend that I can truly show my snarky side to. I can say the most politcally incorrect things - things I would never say around my new co-workers. You would think that I was not such a nice person. Okay, who am I kidding, I'm not a nice person, just in the sense that I don't love everyone and wonder why we can't just all get along. I may be a liberal tree-hugger, however, I draw the line at not shaving my legs and armpits and blaming men for every ill of society. It's not men, but white men.....kidding, kidding. Seriously. It's white men. What? Who's typing here? Must be another bug from facebook.

ANYWAY, once raine_days discovered how I hate clowns she does nothing but get me clowns for "gifts." They are only cool in the sense that they come from around the globe. Well, the OG clown is Bobo. A musical art piece from our very own Las Vegas. The description on his box says "clown, red, hat." He is dressed mostly in blue. The others are Chepe (El Salvador), Nigel (England), Rene (Belgium), Pavel (Poland), Jerome or Girard - I can't remember which (France), and one from Austria and Italy but I can't remember their names. Raine_days and I decide upon the name. It must be representative of the home country. She claims Chepe is a baby toy, but it squeaks and looks more like a dog toy. In fact, Mandy likes playing with him. Nigel is my "travelling gnome" and travels with me. Nigel also has a brother, Alastair, that raine_days has. Only Rene and Pavel are on my desk at work - hidden by my desk calendar. Oh my gosh! I almost forgot Chuckles!! He is an Amish clown with a coke habit. And not the kind of coke I'm addicted to. We picked him up outside of Philadelphia. He was the original travelling "gnome." But he was scary looking so Nigel got called up from the minors to take Chuckles' place.

So how weird do you think I am now? Carol, you better not be retracting your comment about being glad I joined the work group!! LOL!!!!! I know where you sit!

us @ the Golden Eagle

Chuckles in El Salvador

Chepe and Bobo

Chuckles @ the Outer Banks, NC (aka the OBX)

Nigel in London w/ St. Paul's in the background

Latrine Lockdown

Most of my reading audience already heard this today, but I'll blog about it anyway! Today Charlie was a little sad at work - football was dead to him. In an effort to bring some joy into the office, I shared the following:

Although Clarice's baby shower was a lot of fun, the highlight for me was not enjoying everyone's company or indulging in too much food. No. It was the fact that I did not lock myself in the bathroom. It happens to me a lot more than you would think even humanly possible too. Why the last instance was the Christmas party at Marty's house! I knew the instant I locked the door (at Marty's) that I would have trouble getting out. I tried for a little bit to move the handle as quietly as possible so not as to alert anyone. Eventually I heard someone say something like "I think Yelena is locked in the bathroom". Of course at that instant I was released from my half-bath jail cell!

The original lockdown came 20 years ago while visiting a museum in Austria. My family split up at one point and were to meet up again at the preposed time. So I stop in the bathroom before finding my parents. It's a single bathroom (no stalls) on a sort of mezzanine level of this large staircase. I do what I need to do but when it comes time to head out the door, I can't get it open!! I keep trying and trying and at one point even hear my mom walking down the staircase calling my name! I yell "I'm in here!!" but she didn't hear me. Finally the door magically opens and I find an Austrian woman on the other side who was apparently jiggling the handle from the outside. Upon seeing me, she says "danke" or "thank you." Thank me??? No meine frau, thank you!!! To add insult to injury, I got locked in the stall at LAX on our way back home. I had to crawwl on the dirty airport bathroom floor to get out. Of course I was wearing a white skirt of all things. Although if I recall correctly, I had it paired with a black and white International News sweatshirt over a pink polo shirt. Damn I was stylin! But I digress....

So if you ever invite me to your home (you may not after readaing this post!), please make sure you know how to rescue someone from a locked bathroom!!!

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard.....

This afternoon Freddy was on the phone taking a McDonalds order for his grandson when everyone else started chiming in with what they would like Freddy to get them from the Golden Arches. At one point someone said "I'll have a chocolate milkshake." Now this comment alone isn't funny, but it instantly reminded of a visit to McDonalds in 11th or 12th grade. JF - have you guessed which story this is?? Anyway, one of my best friends worked at McDonalds and I think a few of us were there "visiting". She worked with a boy our age (not sure if he went to our school or not) and somehow it was decided that I would go up to the counter (since he was working) and ask for his phone number. My slick pick-up line? I'll have a chocolate milkshake and your phone number. I got the phone number! Too bad I never planned to call. He was a little scuzzy looking.

Things That Go Bump In The Night

When I got home from work the other day, I went into my room to change and could hear water running outside. At first thought my sprinklers were on. But then it wasn't my day to water and I have never even used my sprinklers. My two plants do fine with what random rain they get. At least that is what I tell myself! From the puddles, it was obvious the water had been on for some time too. I turned off the water and went back inside. Now this kind of freaked me out, but nothing was else was disturbed. I have lived by myself on and off for 8 of the last 10 years. I have never been afraid to be on my own. Until that night. I was fine until I started turning off lights and getting reaady to get in bed. I actually took my baseball bat out of the closet and kept it close all night. If I had a machete, I would have tucked that bad boy under the mattress - just in case. Every little noise began to make me suspicious and more paranoid. It didn't help either that Mandy was acting very peculiar. It was not appreciated when she knocked a bunch of things off a bookcase and scared the crap out of me. I believe I was even shaking a little at one point. My fear grew as I realized there was nothing I could do. Who would I call? The cops? "Um, hi, 911. I think someone might try and kill me tonight. No, I don't have any evidence. I'm just crazy." Then I thought, hey, I work with a bunch of guys who routinely carry guns - I can call one of them! Who doesn't want to be a hero? "Um, hi, this is Yelena. [sigh] Yelena. From work. Yuh-lay-na. You know, the new analyst? [exasperated sigh] You know, the person who sits at Charlie's old desk? Yeah, that one. I can't believe you don't want to come to my house in the middle of the night and make sure that no one is trying to kill me. Loser! If I die, it's totally your fault!" Oh wait, I don't have their numbers. Moving on. I also figured no one in our group would appreciate a paranoid call from me that night. Whoever I called would have to come get me (and Mandy - can't leave her behind!) because there was no way I was going to leave by myself! So, Dallas would have to get Chi out of bed and bring him along, I don't have Abe's number, and Joe probably wouldn't hear the phone ring. If it had been earlier, I think I would have called someone. I also thought about calling one of my friends back in DC for comfort, but I didn't think they'd appreciate a call that late at night. Anyway, I eventually fell asleep that night and survived. I just have no idea why I got so worked up. Yes, the water being on was weird, but I think my reaction to it scared me more. It just wasn't like me. And maybe I should get some more people's phone numbers!!

Thank you for being a friend.....

A few days ago Carol had a posting on her blog about a good friend of hers. Well, it got me thinking about my best friend, Katie. So I thought I'd share a little about my friend. We met a little over 4 years ago back in DC.

I don't know how much you all have gathered but I have some nerdish tendencies and a somewhat quirky sense of humor in addition to my usual smart ass remarks. I am just slow to open up and reveal all the facets of my personality. (There are times when I really want to say something or do something at work, but just don't think you are "ready" for it. I still feel like I am in a trial period or something.) I am also a wealth of pop culture facts and references as well as trivia in general. NOTE: I kick ASS in Trivial Pursuit and will gladly play a round with/against you! Amazingly, Katie has a very similar personality.

I actually recall the moment I knew she and I would be good friends. It must have been a month or so after Katie started and we walked to Starbucks for a coffee break. Somehow we got on the topic of old episodes of the TV show Saved By The Bell. There was this one where the three girls form a singing group and Zack magically gets them an audience with some record execs. (BONUS QUESTION 1: What was the name of the group?) They even make a video. I started singing the song, "Put your mind to it, go for it, get down and break a sweat....." And then I asked Katie if she knew what came next because I couldn't remember. She said no. We get coffee and are on our way back to work when the song pops in my head again. "Put your mind to it, go for it, get down and break a sweat...." and then I hear Katie say "rock annndd rollll, you ain't seen nothing yet!" She knew the words all along!! (BONUS QUESTION 2: What are the "famous" lines Jessie says at the end of this episode?)

Anyway, Katie is always there for me, she listens and gives her honest opinion, she was there when I was a wreck thinking I had MS (just a compressed nerve), she is there to laugh at quotes from "The Office" or "The Simpsons", we made up our own bowling lingo (we were on the DEA summer bowling league together), she was my pranking cohort at work, she listens when I go on and on about the guy I have a crush on, we cry together while watching "Extreme Home Makeover", and just share everything about our lives. I can talk about and share anything and everything in my life with her. We always have a good time, whether it is going to get our hair cut together, getting Chinese food from Wegmans (the most awesome grocery store ever!), or even deciding one Saturday around 1am to go to White Castle that very night (her husband and another friend also joined us) even though the nearest White Castle was in Newark, New Jersey! For the record, we made it to a Waffle House in Newark, Delaware and then turned around and came home in time to see the sun rise. Anyway, I just wish Virginia were a lot closer to Nevada.

BONUS QUESTION 3: What TV theme song is the title of this post taken from? Money to the person who sings it over the PA at work. :-)